Theories & Observations

Carpet Fitters on the Death Star

Not our theory in totality but several things about this confuse us.

In the original film, the fully operational Death Star is blown up by the Rebel Alliance – fine, no problem, evil is punished, although even this when looked at in it’s purest terms, could lead you to argue that the Rebel Alliance are left wing/fascist terrorists overthrowing the established government. And who’s building the weapon of mass destruction here? The current inter-galactic government?

Anyway, in “Return of the Jedi”, the all new Death Star is half completed. All you see hanging around are Darth, a few generals and a smattering of Storm Troopers. None of them are likely to have been trained to put up scaffolding, install a robust toilet system, hang a false ceiling with soft lighting or the like, so consequently the Death Star must be crawling with semi-skilled workers and innocent contractors putting the finishing touches to a deluxe new improved weapon of mass destruction. The point is as Han and the boys wreak havoc with the interior design, plumbers, scaffolders, electricians, plasterers, carpet fitters, innocent people, are all blown to bits trying to earn a decent living. One minute lucrative government contract, the next “kaboom”. And don’t give us that crap about droids doing everything – when was the last time you saw R2D2 artex a ceiling? Proper interior decorating needs the human touch although in truth even we are struggling with the concept of Darth Vader in Ikea….

Having said all that, would there have been carpet fitters on the Death Star in the first place? Would there have been a need for quality patterned Axminster throughout the corridors and ramps? We think “yes”, because those Storm Troopers charging about everywhere would’ve been damn noisy were it not for the sound deadening qualities of a good shagpile. But would Lord Vader have gone for a decent natural fibres look, or a nice Wilton?

Tricky one, that…..

The Speed of Dark

Easy one this. Really really really really fast is the speed of light, ok? Conversely then, really really really really slowly could be said to be the speed of dark. Someone once told me that glass was a liquid, an idea we’d laughed at until the concept of the speed of dark was brought to our attention. Is the glass in our windows dripping away at the speed of dark?
And do snails move at the speed of dim?